I’m one of two maids of honor at a close friend’s upcoming wedding. She had to postpone the event twice due to Covid-19 public health regulations in her state. We are finally approaching the catch-up date. The couple host an indoor ceremony with 200 guests (no masks or vaccinations required) and an outdoor tented reception. My partner and I are traveling from California. We are vaccinated, but we feel uncomfortable spending time with others who are exposed or possibly unvaccinated – especially when breakthrough infections make some people very sick. As a maid of honor, would it be cheesy to wear a mask all evening? Will people think we’re overly careful?
HONORED LADY
We are in a public health crisis, maid of honor! Protecting your health (and the health of others) puts wedding attire to shame. Instead of worrying about what others think of your sensible mask, perhaps you can use your close relationship with the bride to make her wedding safer for everyone. Because 200 people who have gathered inside – without masks, social distance and possibly vaccinations – sounds more like a superspreader event than a joyful occasion.
Before speaking to your close friend, try to appreciate her (completely legitimate!) Sadness and frustration over multiple postponements of her wedding. Don’t get me wrong: party planning is a small potato compared to serious illness and death. Nevertheless, one can empathize with the challenges facing the bride and groom. This creates the conditions for a warmer conversation.
Then call her. “I love you and I feel terrible how difficult this wedding was for you. But with the growing number of Delta variant infections, wouldn’t it be wiser to move the wedding outdoors? And requiring vaccinations and masks would make it safer for everyone. Are you going to think about it? “
The bride can be angry – or she can agree! Ultimately, the decision to participate and wear a mask is yours. Personally, I cannot imagine disregarding the CDC’s advice to avoid large indoor gatherings. Like it or not, we are now putting our good health (and possibly our lives) on smart risk assessment. I’ll leave you to make the call and sympathize with your friend.
Pregnancy test?
I think a friend of mine could be pregnant. We’re friendly, but not BFFs. She didn’t tell me about it, but I can see her body shape changing. How awful would it be to take them out to dinner and serve ceviche? (Pregnant women can’t eat raw fish.) If she doesn’t eat it, that would be further evidence. Can I?
GF
Request refused! Your plan is manipulative – and inconclusive. We are all entitled to share personal information (that does not concern others) at our own pace, regardless of the curiosity of others. You are also overlooking the unequivocal possibility that your friend is not interested in raw fish that has been cured in citrus juices and is still not pregnant. Respect their privacy. If she has something to say to you, she will.
Pitfalls of grief online
I’m a part-time music influencer with several hundred followers on Spotify. My grandfather recently died in an accident. We’re all in shock. I was very close to him and I am sad. To help me cope with this, I made a playlist of songs about loss and grief. Unfortunately, I made this playlist public – with my usual custom cover artwork and Gen-Z-friendly song descriptions. Now I worry that it looks like I am trying to capitalize on my loss to gain likes and followers. I loved my grandfather very much and I hate to think that I am disrespectful. Any advice?
GRANDDAUGHTER
I appreciate your sensitivity to the visuals of this situation, but I think you are missing an important fact: your playlist can help others, like you, who are grieving. This is a wonderful tribute to your grandfather!
I suggest revising your playlist description to make its origin and purpose more clear to their followers. Maybe replace the cover with a special photo of your grandfather and embroider song descriptions with memories of him.
I understand that generating income is one of the reasons you became a music influencer. But I bet your love for music – and your emotional connection to it – is greater. Invite your followers to share their painful losses too. I personally see that you are doing a lot of good here. Don’t be hard on yourself!
Care for an egg?
My mom and sister help me go to college. The car is packed, so it will be tight for the three of us. My sister insists on bringing hard-boiled eggs for a snack on the go. But hard-boiled eggs smell awful to me and tend to make me sick. I asked her to bring something else, but she doesn’t move. Any ideas?
MAEV
Let’s find a compromise. Your sister will help you move, an occasion of gratitude. Still, nausea is a big disappointment on long journeys. How about this: Your sister limits her egg intake to pit stops? She gets out to peel and eat them, then wash her hands and sprinkle mints as needed. Absolutely doable, right?
If you need help with your difficult situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, Philip Galanes on Facebook, or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
