One evening in March 2020, Angeline Disante, 29, tried a teriyaki steak on a stick that was due to be served at her April 15th wedding. When the pandemic broke out, Ms. Disante and her fiancé rescheduled the wedding to November 28. this also had to be postponed.
Your venue in New Rochelle, NY, had an appointment for a third attempt; By chance her photographer, videographer, hair and make-up artist, florist, DJ and “Dais Bedazzler” were also available. It was a Saturday evening in September, the holy grail of the New York wedding. It was also the 20th anniversary of the deadliest terrorist attack on US soil.
“I told them to ‘cross this date off your list,’” recalls Ms. Disante, who is engaged to a police officer. Her brother is also a police officer, and there were many more on the couple’s guest list. “I wouldn’t even think about 9/11,” she said. “There was no way I did it.”
She does it.
Maybe it’s the result of all the ceremonies and receptions that have been postponed because of Covid-19. (They had to happen at some point.) Maybe it’s because after 18 months in jogging pants to take away, the love-affirming vitality of putting on a dress or tuxedo is imperative. Perhaps it is a statement of how long we can hold on to a collective national pain. But at least for this year, September 11th is ready for romance.
“I think most people say, ‘Come on. There are a lot of terrible things happening in the world and we are so exuberant that we made it through the pandemic, ‘”said Marcy Blum, a wedding planner. “This year people feel like they have a passport and all you have to do is fine.”
Or as Björn VW, another wedding planner, puts it: “Everyone wants to celebrate.” He quickly snatched the evening of September 11th at a venue in Brooklyn for a customer who was about to tie the knot in 2020 because he feared that every fall appointment would be gone if he waited a few more weeks. And if guests can see the Towers of Light, the annual memorial exhibition of twin rays shooting four miles into the lower Manhattan sky, that’s fine with him. “I’m just happy now that my couple can turn a negative experience into something positive that looks to the future,” he said.
Cary Grid, 34, and Meghan VanArsdalen, 31, have channeled a similar hope instead of squirming every time a friend asks, in the high-pitched tone of judgment, “You’re getting married on September 11th ?!”
Ms. VanArsdalen, who said she likely would not have picked that date for her Detroit wedding another year, spent time thinking about the significance of a September 11th anniversary. “I’ve been thinking about the importance of being with friends and family on a day that so many other people have taken away from this opportunity,” she said.
Suzie Cohen, 39, already had some positive associations with the date, which she reluctantly accepted when no other options were available at her Houston venue. Her brother’s birthday is on the same day and it would have been her grandparents’ 72nd anniversary. Ms. Cohen’s 92-year-old grandmother Julien Epstein Rosenthal, who wants to be present, even gave her own wedding ring with the engraving “11. September 1949 ”to wear that evening.
But when Ms. Cohen first mentioned the date to her fiancé Brian Zager, 37, who was in the process of interviewing the children of 9/11 victims for a podcast, his response was, “What else do you have?” As the date approaches, he gets the idea. “Much of the podcast was about the things that helped these kids get rid of the raw emotions of the day,” Zager said. “Everyone makes the best of the situation. Everything was put into a new perspective. “
Jazmin Castro, 22, had hoped she would take on a similar feeling after booking the last available date on her rancho in 2021 Palos Verdes, California, Church. She said her friends had repeatedly given affirmative advice – “change energy throughout the day,” “do it positive” – but it didn’t help.
“I felt good that the people around me agreed,” she said, “but I didn’t agree with them. I just felt that what they were telling me couldn’t be done. “
Even now, every time someone asks her when she’s getting married, Ms. Castro is afraid to answer. “Some people don’t tell me the date directly, but I can tell by their reaction when I tell them,” she said. “It’s uncomfortable every time.” Ms. Castro was so unsettled that she sought advice from other brides online and gave a tip that she uses: “Say you will get married on September 11th instead of saying on September 11th.”
In fact, many couples have found community, albeit a dash of criticism, in the fearful chats on wedding sites. A thread on WeddingWire is entitled “Wedding from September 12, 2020 to September 11, 2021, bad idea?” Redditors asked if a 9/11 marriage would qualify as “weird” or even an idiot (in a slightly more colorful language). For its part, The Knot provided an answer to their questions in its list of wedding dates to avoid in 2021.
“I think I’ll be fine that day, but it will still come to my mind and I’m sure some guests will mention it,” said Ms. Castro. She wonders how to recognize the seriousness of the day in the middle of a celebration. “I thought about keeping a minute’s silence,” she said, adding that she planned to speak to the incumbent pastor about including a prayer for the victims.
Melissa McNeeley, a wedding planner, said she would support a plan like Ms. Castro’s. “There is a wonderful way to honor the day, with a moment of silence during the welcome speech or a donation to some kind of relief organization or fire department,” she said. “Or you could really hug all of New York and enjoy a Manhattan signature cocktail.”
Mrs. Blum would advise couples not to declare September 11th directly. “If anything, you might say, ‘We lost a year to the pandemic and that’s why we’re getting married today’ and let each draw their own conclusions.”
Ms. Disante plans to donate to a 9/11 memorial fund, but says she doesn’t feel compelled to speak out about the tragedy of the date. “Everyone will honor the day in their own way,” she said. “Like my fiancé, he always does the Tunnel to Towers run,” she added, referring to the annual 3 miles from the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel to the Twin Towers location.
This year too? “No,” she said with a laugh. “I told him he had to take a break this year.”
