By Pastor Devin Strong. Lutheran Church Spirit of Peace
On August 21, I had the pleasure of presiding over my son Oliver’s wedding at one of our Lutheran camps in North Carolina where he was a camper for many years and a summer staff member. It is an honor to watch your children grow up, help them buy their first cars, and see them become emotionally and financially independent. Every parent feels these things, but because Oliver is on the autism spectrum, each milestone felt even more meaningful and amazing to his mother and me.
When Oliver was 10 years old, he was diagnosed with a type of autism called sensory integration disorder, which for him means being overly sensitive to various stimuli.
Too much noise or light or an item of clothing rubbing against his skin can cause him to become incredibly over-stimulated and excited.
As a result, he tended to get angry when bombarded with too many stimuli that he did not understand. At that point, we honestly wondered if he would ever be able to live independently. Fortunately, shortly after his diagnosis, we found an occupational therapist who specialized in sensory integration disorders who taught Oliver techniques to deal with the pent-up energy and stress he felt in such a noisy world. Over the next few years we played through five or six trampolines and even installed a trapeze in our bonus room that he liked to hang upside down from. As Oliver learned to keep his brain busy, his school performance improved and he mastered important tasks like writing sentences and learning to read. Gradually he learned to get along with the world around him. I can tell you it was a great day when I finally got rid of the last trampoline!
Our son has come so far. He had some great teachers in high school, some great mentors, and of course we did what we could to help. He graduated from college with a 3.2 GPA and works in the hospitality industry. (Now he’s jogging to shed excess energy and is in great shape!) He’s done so well, but what we’re probably most proud of is his ability to be relational. When he was younger, he had such difficulty getting along with other children because they understandably couldn’t handle his outbursts. But as he grew up he learned to manage them and stand up for himself. He’s just a fantastic young man. All of this made Oliver’s wedding a grand celebration of his hard-won ability to share enough of himself to find a wonderful partner to love and be with for life!
When you are raising a child, it’s amazing how much of their growth comes from within. Oliver deserves the greatest credit for everything he has accomplished. He certainly needed help on his way, for which we are grateful, but it was thanks to his own tenacity, curiosity, and raw intelligence that I saw him grow into a kind, servant adult. What a great gift – a father really couldn’t ask for more. I hope Oliver’s wedding encourages us all to remember our own blessings, our own spouses, and the great opportunity to have someone we love, care for, uplift – and watch them succeed! God loves you and so do I!
