Photo: Kacey Musgraves / Youtube
Kacey Musgraves is known to love horses (not including tall ones), which I can only accept as her preferred means of transportation. Right? Not correct! Her new album slash film, Star-Crossed: the Film, came out on Paramount Plus today, and in it, Kacey Musgraves hangs around so many cars that I now feel a midlife crisis shaped hole in my life in which should be a fancy car. How do I get through my next breakup without a vehicle to still my heartache?
Star-crossed, which accompanies Musgraves through a shopping spree, a sad car ride, and an LSD trip, is just as glitzy and devastating as we all expected. In addition to Meg Stalter, who arms and equips Musgraves’ girl group to rob a wedding clothes store, a wicked disco party at a church, and, by my informed estimate, 17 billion rhinestones, there is also something that I only call Some Really cool can describe cars.
Photo: Kacey Musgraves / Youtube
I personally identify as an anti-car because I tried to park in parallel in New York City once. But there’s something going on with these star-studded cars. You are purple! They are full of flowers! They are transporting pirated Chanel skirt suits!
First up: a white stretch limo that lingers behind Musgraves and her diamond-studded eyebrows as she dances on some terrifyingly high platforms. Next comes a white jeep with Victoria Pedretti, Princess Nokia and Symone hanging in various pastel colors. Every car in the film has the same license plate “STR-CRSSED”, which doesn’t seem entirely legal, but is still chic.
Photo: Kacey Musgraves / Youtube
Then comes my personal favorite: the purple convertible Meg Stalter borrows from her grandma to deliver the aforementioned armory to Musgrave and her friends. (Some Googles inform me that this is a 1970 Dodge Challenger, which means absolutely nothing to me, but I want it anyway.) After that, Musgraves hops into a muted green hatchback for a trip through heartbreak and across America that is suddenly cut briefly from a camera roll memory-induced car accident. (I knew the Facebook feature was cursed.)
Photo: Paramount Plus
After Kacey crashes her beautiful green car, Eugene Levy, who was tasked with putting it back together, advises her reassembled corpse: “Two words, kid: public transport.” To which I say: No, Kacey! Keep buying beautiful cars. Turn on Do Not Disturb while driving.
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