British specialties: weather-related small talk, public transport grumbling and first of all: standing in line. But before we can get down to our polite pastime, the car has to stop somewhere, and that’s a modern lifeblood that keeps getting worse, not better. According to a recent survey, the average Brit spends 44 hours a year looking for a suitable parking space and then actually performing the damn maneuver.
Wasting time and fuel looking for a parking space costs the UK economy £ 23.3 billion annually. Your insurer’s annual accounts are also staggering: the RAC estimates that two-thirds of Britons have suffered a parking spot rank at least once, with 48 percent of the low-speed bumps occurring outside of supermarkets.
Advertising – page goes down
Your car may have a sport mode. Maybe it was fine-tuned at the Nürburgring. But the most intense piece of high-stakes precision driving you’ll ever see is this: Operation Supermarket Gauntlet. For a family hatchback, this is hellish scenery. Threats lurk from all sides: the runaway trolley, the distracted childminder. Barry, 43, desperately tries to reach the flower aisle before closing time on his wedding day.
A flashy Volkswagen Golf is an ideal tool in this theater of war. Relatively compact, with a useful view. Practical. Powerful. It is the UK’s third best-selling car so far in 2021 and the country’s most popular family hatchback. But as a young and formidable guy, TG’s Greg Potts insists that there is a new bestseller that is even better suited to the gnarled white-line battlefield. Right, Gregory?
Words: Ollie Kew and Greg Potts
Photography: Mark Riccioni
Advertising – page goes down
General Practitioner: Crikey, spent 44 hours parking the car every year? I think we could cut that in half by running EVs with their short overhangs and lightning-fast 0-10 mph sprints. The more time spending doom scrolling through memes or on the bathroom – that’s what these polls are usually about, right? The ID.3 is the natural heir to the hatchback throne of the Gulf. All-electric vehicle sales in the UK have already overtaken diesel this year, and the ICE ban for 2030 is getting closer.
VW really needs the ID.3 to sell in large numbers. And in order to increase the margin, it seems to have raided Dacia’s decorative remains for the interior. Your Golf’s cabin feels more solid, but I like my chances.
OK: I am a firm believer in the quality of competitive breeds, so I came up with a clever trick to put an end to these people’s auto deathmatches. Our inspiration is the fine work of Gareth Wild of Bromley, who earlier this year revealed the completion of a six year search to park in his weekly shop in each of the 211 parking spaces outside his local Sainsburys branch.
A fine effort, but in the time you read this 17 other Britons have had parking accidents. We set the clock to 60 minutes. Electric versus gasoline. Manual vs. automatic. Youth versus a little less youth. Who can create the most successful parks in an hour? Penalty points for trolley things, a bonus for a final field. Bags for life at your fingertips. Walk!
General Practitioner: I’m off the line in a flash. This particular ID.3 is the relatively simple Life Pro with the 58 kWh battery and only 143 hp, but it has rear-wheel drive and reaches 0-100 km / h in less than 10 seconds. I got you toast from 0 to 5 mph, which is important in parking lots. It’s also big – much higher than the Golf – with lots of glass and split A-pillars that help me recognize myself past this stroller into the parent-child room.
OK: I’m calling for the umpire discounts parking since you’re closer to being a kid than having one, buddy. The Golf isn’t as fast as the ID.3, but its bestseller, a 1.5-liter turbo, is an absolute peach. I did 60mpg on my way here. However, as a staunch manual shift enthusiast, I have to admit that it is a bit difficult to find reverse gear quickly.
General Practitioner: I have my own problems, analog boy. Why are parking lots plagued by learner drivers who are hesitant to learn how not to roast a clutch? An L-plater stopped in front of me and wasted valuable time. Doesn’t he know that this is the melting pot of motorsport? Didn’t you choose the parking space? That’s what I call home advantage.
OK: Maybe at this point in the fog of 2009 I took real driving lessons. Are there any other excuses?
Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Keep an eye out for your regular recap of news, reviews, and offers in your inbox.
Get the latest news, reviews, and specials delivered straight to your inbox.
General Practitioner: I can’t believe you installed a reversing camera. Real professionals switch off their stupid parking sensors and look over their left shoulder …
OK: Ah yes, a £ 300 option to golf, but one that is shockingly easy to become addicted to. At least none of these modestly specified examples have self-parking aids. Who honestly has time for these pessimistic systems to huddle in a bay?
General Practitioner: No idea. Have you noticed how your Golf howls like a Stuka bomber in reverse while my ID.3 glides in both directions without giving the impression of a wounded animal?
OK: I would call that a security feature. The strangely pulsating “I’m move over here” bong emanating from the ID.3 is like a poorly synchronized Hollywood special effect. But I wouldn’t mind your tropic.
General Practitioner: I knew you’d be jealous of that. My futuristic powertrain packaging enables me to whip around in 10.2 meters gap. Great feet for a tall man and all …
OK: Don’t think I didn’t realize you took the one-way arrows the wrong way to get a short cut advantage, Potts. Technology straight from the Michael Schumacher / Vauxhall Mocha School of the unsportsmanlike supermarket park challenge, there. Oh, and I’ve got enough gas on board for 450 miles. How long before range anxiety means you stop by to buy an extension cord and value pack of your own branded AAAs?
General Practitioner: The ID.3 is mightily efficient at speeds like this – I’m sure I could easily beat my claimed 264 mile WLTP range if we did that all day. And if I upgraded to Tour trim with the 77 kWh battery, I’d get 201 horsepower and 340 miles of range. When was the last time you drove 450 miles to have a glass of milk and a mug of Horlicks? I know you are old but do you need to know how to enter your correct post code for Click and Collect?
OK: Outrageous. In any case, age equals experience. On the one hand from previous Golfs. I claim the MkVIII’s inner button removal was a catastrophic flaw, but I’ll have to leave it to the Golf: even if you budget for the ID attack, this still feels like a deeply mature car. The controls are so smooth and perfectly coordinated. The door closes with gravity and finality. I think if a man in a sequin jacket comes over and tells me I’m customer number 10,000,000 and I’ve won a golf for the rest of my life, I’d still be pretty excited. The thing is, this is as good as a Golf will ever get while you’re driving the most primitive, flawed Volkswagen ID Volkswagen that was punched out one day …
General Practitioner: For a first try, however, it is really quite good. Beginner’s luck maybe. The steering is super light and while not as exciting to drive as your dinosaur hatch, that could be solved if VW put an extra motor in the hidden hole that was left in the front. The all-wheel-drive Golf R can compete with anyone?
OK: Right, I have RSI in my left hand from going backwards into the first half a million times and a nervous twitch in the mirror. Plays time. How many parks do you have
General Practitioner: I’m doing the 183 for the ID.3, although some of them may not have done ideally. Remember to opt for a pack of chips instead of opting for weekly shopping.
OK: I’m not saying this was a pointless exercise, but I did 182. Normally I would call for a rematch, but 45 hours a year is enough for anyone.
VERDICT: The MkVIII Golf remains a very reasonable and acceptable answer to the “Which car should I buy?” Question, but make sure you test drive an ID.3 while you are at the dealership.
